Meatzza, the Carnivore Pizza

Meatzza, the Carnivore Pizza
The Eat Heal Farm Blog

By Heathar Shepard/ November 13th, 2023

Meatzza, The Carnivore Pizza
Heathar's favorite Paleo Pizza Recipe

For almost 20 years I’ve been gluten free.

Why would I put myself through the agony of missing out on real pasta, fresh pizza dough and warm bread (the ultimate ferry boat for butter and sea salt)?!?

Because, my gut isn’t in agony when I keep gluten out of my diet.

My brain, my gut, my mood, my energy levels are all better when I avoid gluten.

Honesty, today thousands, dare I say millions, of people are gluten sensitive for many reasons…

The biggest one being that our gut microbiomes have been shot-to-shit from the boat loads of antibiotics, vaccinations, steroid creams and OTC medicines most of us were administered starting from birth.

I know this is why my gut cannot handle gluten. And, I see a similar story in my clients all the time.

Growing up my mom made us homemade pizza every week.

I still remember the smell of the dough as my mom kneaded it, the peppery taste of the olive oil she poured into her homemade pizza sauce and the crusty chunks of pepperoni on top that she crisped to perfection.

It was my ultimate favorite comfort food as a kid.

Since going gluten free however, I’ve had to break up with pizza.

However, then I discovered, Meatzza.

For much of my gluten free years I’ve tried to find ways to eat pizza sans the gluten.

I’m sorry but the alternatives to real pizza crust don’t really do it for me.

You have the cauliflower crust.

Now I know that gender confusion and kids identifying as cats is trending right now. But, I think everyone’s life would be better if we could just accept that fact that a cruciferous vegetable shouldn’t be identified as, pizza crust.

Then there’s the good ol’ gluten free grain crust.

A good option if you like the texture of sand in your mouth. Need I say more.

And, my ultimate favorite, canned chicken crust.

Please remind me why in the actual F chicken is sold and marketed in a can?!? I know some people really like this option. And, all the power to you if it’s your wheelhouse. But, I just can’t get down with chicken in a can.

You can see why, for years of arduously trying to find my pizza fix, I eventually threw in the towel.

Recently, our farmhand introduced me to Meatzza. And, honestly, I was skeptical. But, it really was love at first bite.

Seriously, hear me out for a minute before you jump to the conclusion that this is just another horrific faux version of pizza.

Meatzza actually tastes good and is the most delicious and satisfying alternative to traditional pizza that you’ll come across.

So, in hopes of rekindling your malnourished gluten free, Paleo pizza flame, I’m going to share my Meatzza recipe with you all so you can finally satisfy the pizza cravings that you’ve been pining for over the last several unsatisfying pizza decades of your life.

I’m going to take you through a brief Meatzza journey to reduce any epic failures that you may experience along the way.

Let’s start from the bottom and work our way up…

First, the crust.

I know the burning question you all are wondering is, What’s the crust made out of?

Don’t knock it before you try it. My Meatzza crust is made out of grass-fed ground beef, an egg, sea salt, pepper and thyme.

To make the crust, I place the ground beef in a large mixing bowl, add a generous amount of sea salt, a pinch of black pepper and a palmful of dried thyme. Then, I crack and egg on top and mix it all together with my hands.

From there, I spread the mixture out very thinly along a Pyrex baking dish. Then cook the crust for 10 minutes before adding your toppings.

Hot Meatzza Tip

Now, I’m going to give you the most important tip when it comes to making Meatzza...It will prevent your Meatzza from being soggy. Nobody wants to eat a soggy pizza. Or, shall I say, a soggy Meatzza.

After you’ve cooked the crust for 10 minutes, remove it from the oven and drain off as much liquid from the top that has accumulated during cooking.

NOTE: This is usually a 2 person job! One person has to hold the Meatzza in place with a spatula while the other holds the Pyrex dish and strains the excess liquid.

Hold up! Before you dump those juices down the drain or into the garbage, think of the alternative…

Your dog, cat, chickens and/or pigs will go Ape for those juices. Save them for your animals, don’t throw them away.

When you remove the crust from the oven, you’ll also notice that your Meatzza crust has shrunk. That’s okay. Keep going. You’re on the right track.

Second, The Sauce.

While the Meatzza crust is cooking, make the pizza sauce.

Pro Tip: Your sauce should contain heaps of Italian herbs, sea salt, a little pepper and even some red pepper flakes for all you spicy food enthusiasts.

Taste test your sauce before spreading it along the crust. It should taste slightly sweet, the Italian herbs should steal the show and the olive oil should lend a slight peppery flavor to the back of your tongue. You will likely have to add more sea salt than you think necessary to your sauce. Start slow with the sea salt however and taste test until you’ve nailed it.

Spread the sauce evenly over the entire pizza. I like a lot of sauce.

Third, The Toppings.

From here on out the toppings you add to your Meatzza depends on your personal preference.

I use Buffalo or goat mozzarella as my cheese.

With regard to toppings...

I’ve tried cheese + cooked Italian sausage - it was too meaty for me.

I’ve tried hot peppers and seasonal veggies - absolutely amazing.

My personal favorite topping is the quintessential cheese + pepperoni.

By all means, choose your own adventure.

Stick your Meatzza in the oven for 5-15 minutes or until the cheese has melted and you have yourself a nourishing meal that actually looks, smells and tastes like a real pizza. But only, it’s Meatzza.

Heathar's Meatzza Recipe

The Crust

1lb 80/20 ground beef

1 tablespoon thyme, dried

1 tsp sea salt

1 egg

The Sauce

9 ounces organic tomato paste (look for the one in a glass jar)

1 tablespoon basil, dried

1 tablespoon Italian herbs

1 tsp black pepper, freshly ground

1 tsp red pepper flakes, optional

2 tablespoons organic olive oil

The Toppings

1/2 square of goat mozzarella, grated

Pepperoni, as much as your heart desires, quartered

Directions

Preheat your oven to 400°F.

Make the crust first by placing the beef in a large mixing bowl. Sprinkle the thyme, sea salt and pepper on top and crack the egg on top as well. Mix together with your hands.

Spread the beef mixture evenly and thinly over a large Pyrex baking dish. If you have too much meat, make a second Meatzza in a smaller Pyrex or save leftovers for the next day to make burgers.

Place in the middle rack of your oven and let cook for 10 minutes.

Remove from the oven and strain the excess liquid (get a friend to help you, especially if it’s your first Meatzza).

Cover all parts of the crust with sauce, then add your cheese and top with pepperoni.

Return to the oven and cook for 5-15 minutes or until the cheese has melted.